I maj måned blev Holly Chabowskis liv vendt på hovedet, da hun fik konstateret brystkræft. Efter at have fået fjernet nogle lymfeknuder, samt det ene bryst, i foråret, er Holly nu begyndt på den kemobehandling, der gerne skal gøre hende helt kræftfri. Imellem kemobehandlingerne har Holly besluttet sig for at vandre Hærvejen (eller “No hair”-vejen som hun har døbt den!), for at få ro til krop og sind og lade naturen hjælpe til med helingsprocessen. I det følgende kan du læse om Hollys rejse mod at blive kræftfri.
No Hairvejen, part I
Tekst og billeder: Holly Chabowski
In May 2024 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
In the weeks after the diagnosis I had two operations. The first to remove six lymph nodes in my armpit and the second a mastectomy of my right breast. Still shocked and recovering from the operations, I faced the daunting prospect of chemotherapy.
My name is Holly, I am 40 years old, Mamma to the world’s most awesome 5 year old (Greta), school teacher and a self-proclaimed adventurer and athlete.
Naturally I was relieved that my cancer could be treated and that I will live to see my little girl grow up. After this my main concern centred around identity loss. As a marathon runner, so much of what I based my identity upon was athleticism, performance and health – and yes, physical appearance. The operations temporarily grounded me from my usual active lifestyle, my beautiful breast had been removed and now I was about to lose my hair. My head was swirling with thoughts about loss of femininity, gaining weight, looking and feeling bald, tired and sick.
I meditate daily and on 28th June I wrote this in my journal:
“Throughout this beautiful journey Holly please remember – NATURE and MEDITATION. Let them be your medicine. You are so much more than your physical body. You are energy and you are life. And life, all life is beautiful.”
On 30th June I wrote this:
“Woke up feeling stiff in my body and scared about losing my hair, my body and my power. Now it’s time to go for a walk in the rain, just keep moving. Let nature heal. // Going for a walk helped, I was brimming with ideas and positivity. When in doubt Holly, go for a walk. Just do it. Everything else can wait.”
One of those ideas was to walk the Hærvejen during chemotherapy. 500km starting from the bottom and finishing on top, of course! Padborg to Skagen. I could call it the No Hairvejen!
So here I am right now, lying in amotel bed outside Padborg, tapping this blog post on my phone, eager to get started with the first three days of the hike in the morning.
Eight days ago I had my second round of chemotherapy. I look like a baby bird sprouting its first feather. The first 6 days after the infusions are rough and I experience a lot of fear. Now I have two weeks to recover before round three. Nature and meditation. After this blog I plan to turn off my phone and let the healing power of nature begin.
My priority with this ‘pilgrimage’ is my own healing – physically, emotionally and spiritually. If my journey can be a beacon of hope and inspiration to others then that is a beautiful, blessed thing and I am honoured. Not least for my daughter who will watch her mamma relax into this process. I am inspired by trees. Trees don’t do anything, they just are. Life flows through a tree and life flows through me. I don’t see cancer as a battle or something I have to fight. Quite the opposite, I see it as an invitation to just be. Gratitude for what I have and trust for what will come. What is in the way, is the way.
I trust that the more I can relax, soften and open into the chemotherapy the easier it will be on my body. Getting stressed will make things worse, so my strategy is to use nature and walking to help me to relax.
The No Hairvejen is about presence and joy, not performance. I plan to walk the route in stages, doing as much each day as feels good for my body. Meeting other beautiful souls along the way. Eating lots of muesli bars and drinking enormous amounts of English breakfast tea. Perhaps I will not make it to Skagen by the time my chemotherapy finishes, that’s ok. I will return in the Spring if necessary and get to Skagen eventually. One step at a time.
On 3rd July I wrote this in my journal:
“Would it be so bad Holly, if after everything is stripped away, all that remains is a kind and bright soul? What if all the exterior stuff – the hair, the ego, the showing off – have been obstructing this bright soul from shining through? Like clouds blocking the sun.’
All are welcome to come join me for a walk, if you like. If you’re on the trail and see a baby bird, stop and look twice, it could be me!
Goodnight everyone, goodnight little Greta, much love and see you in 50kms!
Du kan følge Hollys tur på Hærvejen på Friluftslands Instagram, hvor hun kommer med et par updates undervejs. Friluftsland har sponsoreret telt, sovepose, liggeunderlag og vandrestøvler til projektet.
